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For many of us, spending time with family can be a grab bag of emotions. While you may feel love and familiarity, there’s also decades-long dynamics between you and your family members that may not be the most healthy. Your family might treat you like the teenager they remember, and you might revert to that […]
For many of us, spending time with family can be a grab bag of emotions. While you may feel love and familiarity, there’s also decades-long dynamics between you and your family members that may not be the most healthy. Your family might treat you like the teenager they remember, and you might revert to that role when you’re around your family without even realizing it.
There could be many things that make spending time with family a challenge. Old family conflicts, harbored resentments, and spoken or unspoken disagreements can make you dread seeing them again. If you have trouble managing your anger when you’re around your family, read on for some tips on how to keep your cool.
Define How You Experience Anger
People experience anger differently. Some might get more aggressive, some might withdraw, and some internalize the anger. By being aware of how you experience anger, you can better recognize when that emotion is starting to develop inside you so you can take control of how you respond.
Rehearse Responses
It’s very common for family to ask intrusive or inappropriate questions. You might have a busybody aunt who always asks about your relationships, or maybe your sister is constantly bugging you about starting a family. Come prepared with rehearsed responses so you won’t be caught off guard.
Set Boundaries
It’s important to set boundaries with family. If a family member is aggressive or rude to you, or is always making you the butt of their jokes, your silence acts as approval of their behavior. Because you don’t protest, they think what they’re saying or doing is fine with you. Furthermore, pretending their bad behavior is acceptable only gives them more room to continue the bad behavior, or to get worse. Set boundaries with family and let them know when things they’re saying or doing is not okay with you.
Cut the Visit Short
Sometimes the best option to keep the family peace (and your sanity) is to spend less time. If your family tends to have snacks or drinks before dinner, show up just in time to join the family for dinner at the table. You can also opt to skip dessert or coffee and leave a bit early.
Family relationships are complex and deep-rooted, and family are often the ones who know best how to push your buttons. While managing your anger can be challenging, learning to maintain control over your emotions is a healthy act of self-love. It will not only keep you sane, but it will keep your family relationships unharmed and intact.
If you’re having difficulty navigating complicated family relationships, a licensed therapist can help. Give my office a call today and let’s schedule a time to talk.
If you asked any of us a year ago what would life be like in 2020, it’s doubtful anyone would have guessed we’d be going through a global pandemic, replete with lockdowns and self-quarantining. At the beginning of the year, some families might have thought of being forced to stay home from work and school […]
If you asked any of us a year ago what would life be like in 2020, it’s doubtful anyone would have guessed we’d be going through a global pandemic, replete with lockdowns and self-quarantining. At the beginning of the year, some families might have thought of being forced to stay home from work and school would be a fun little vacation. But as the weeks and months have passed, we’ve all learned this has been anything but fun.
But how is COVID affecting families? Well, it affects parents and kids and spouses a little differently.
Kids haven’t enjoyed the time off nearly as much as we all initially thought. Disruption to normal routines caused many teens and adolescents to feel anxiety. Add to this being away from their friends, and many young people are also feeling depressed.
Summer vacation for many this year wasn’t as fun as normal as travel has been next to impossible for some families in certain states. Sports teams were canceled, and boredom has set in for many kids, which has led to a lot of acting out and showing mood swings.
The pandemic has also negatively impacted those youths already suffering from a mental health issue, such as those on the autism spectrum. For many of these kids, a disruption of routine combined with cancellation of speech therapy sessions has stalled their progress and caused anxiety.
With some schools opening and some only offering online classes, life is still not back to normal and many kids are simply not able to deal with this crisis any longer.
Parents have, without question, been hit hard by the pandemic. With forced school closures, many parents have had to learn how to home school while also learn how to get used to the “new normal” of working from home.
As if that wasn’t enough, parents have also had to become mental health therapists, helping their children navigate through the fear, anxiety, and depression they are experiencing.
Quarantining and self-isolation have definitely impacted our familial and romantic relationships. When you are locked in a house with your family, things can become chaotic and, well, everyone gets on each other’s nerves. Now forced to live on top of one another, and enduring financial hardships, worrying about health, and educating and organizing the children—just going grocery shopping can add a layer of stress.
Those couples who may already have relationship issues under the surface may find the sudden and intense stress has brought these issues to the surface. This can be a turning point for many relationships: will this current crisis bring us closer or finally drive us apart?
Without question, we are all living under an intense amount of stress and it is affecting us all in different ways. If you and your family aren’t able to handle the stress any longer, it’s important that you reach out and get some help from a family counselor. Most therapists are offering telehealth services, which means you can get the benefits of therapy right over the internet.
If you’d like to explore treatment options, please reach out to me. I’d be more than happy to discuss how I may be able to help.
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It is Social Work Month, and Social Workers across the nation are celebrating the theme for 2020, which is Generations Strong. Our nation’s more than 700,000 social workers each day meet people where they are and help them live to their fullest potential. Social workers from every generation-from the Silent Generation to Generation Z […]
It is Social Work Month, and Social Workers across the nation are celebrating the theme for 2020, which is Generations Strong. Our nation’s more than 700,000 social workers each day meet people where they are and help them live to their fullest potential. Social workers from every generation-from the Silent Generation to Generation Z – are shaping our society for the better. Social work is one of the fastest growing professions in the United States, with the number of people employed in social work to grow by 11 percent over the next decade, according to the Bureau of Labor Statistics.
Social work is a profession with expansive borders. You will find social workers everywhere in our society. In schools, in centers for veterans, in mental health and health care facilities, in corporations and in local, state and federal government to name a few. In fact, many people do not know social workers account for the largest group of mental health care providers in the United States or that the
Veterans Administration is the largest employer of social workers with master’s degrees.
At We Care Management, we not only employee Social Workers from various generations, our clients are from all generations. This is why, this year’s Social Work Month theme is so meaningful to us, Generations Strong. Everyone is touched by the various generations among us, whether the effects are positive or negative, and this is why, our Social Workers specialize in supporting our clients honor or heal the different situations they have experienced over the years and within a variety of relationships. Whether our client is a middle aged adult child of an aging parent, a young adult coping with the transition of parenthood, a teenager trying to find a college and career direction, or an elder experiencing a variety of losses, we support them in leading a life with more peace and joy.
How many times do we hear about senior citizens who move cross-country to be closer to children and grandchildren? Maybe this person will see their family on a daily or weekly basis. But then again, maybe it won’t be that often, and now they’ve given up their social life and are far away from friends. […]
How many times do we hear about senior citizens who move cross-country to be closer to children and grandchildren? Maybe this person will see their family on a daily or weekly basis. But then again, maybe it won’t be that often, and now they’ve given up their social life and are far away from friends.
As an older person, what’s healthier, being around family or being around friends?
There was a time when most people would have quickly answered, “Being around family, of course.” While no two people are alike, there is evidence that meaningful connection with friends has more of an impact on the aging process.
According to a 2017 study sponsored by the National Institute on Aging, friendship is more important to the health and well-being of senior citizens than familial connections.
The study found that not only do these relationships influence your happiness and habits (whether you’ll smoke or drink, work out, stay thin or become obese) but that the importance of friendship increases with age.
But there is a caveat, and it’s an important one.
The impact of friendship works positively and negatively. Meaning, just as good friendships offer health benefits, friendships that are not so great or even toxic are tied to chronic health problems. The key is to keep friendships in good order, which means you may need to repair or replace friendships as you age.
Another study, this one designed by Michigan State University psychology professor William J. Chopik, looked at two sets of data—one drawn from people around the world at different ages, and another from older Americans.
More than 270,000 volunteers between the ages of 15 to 99 and from roughly 100 different countries answered questions about how highly they valued different kinds of relationships and how happy they were. Instead of tracking the same people over time, the study tracked “representative” groups of different ages at intervals over the years.
The results?
Those people 65 and older valued friendship more than they did when they were younger!
In another analysis, researchers examined data from close to 7,500 American volunteers in their sixties and seventies. The results found that those people who experienced a “strain” within their friendships were more likely to suffer from chronic illnesses like diabetes, heart disease and psychiatric problems. This was true regardless of whether they had support from family members or not. Strain with family, surprisingly, wasn’t tied to more illness.
The moral of the story is, many of us take our friendships for granted. We think these relationships should be easy, and that our familial relationships are where we should focus our time and energy. But the older we get, the more important it becomes to have strong friendships. When our friendships are happy and healthy, we’re happy and healthy.
Is there a relationship in your life that is bringing you down instead of up? Are you unsure how to communicate with your loved one? Maybe it’s time to end a relationship but you don’t know the best way to do it.
Often, speaking with a therapist can give you clarity over a situation. A therapist can lend an impartial ear and offer advice based not on emotion, but on knowledge of human behavior.
If you or a loved one is interested in exploring treatment, please contact me today. I would be happy to speak with you about how I may be able to help.
