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For many people, the holidays are about spending time with loved ones. But for those who have suffered a recent loss, the holidays can be painful and isolating. Here are some ways you can cope with the holidays after a loss: Recognize You are Not Alone It’s easy to feel as though you are the […]
For many people, the holidays are about spending time with loved ones. But for those who have suffered a recent loss, the holidays can be painful and isolating.
Here are some ways you can cope with the holidays after a loss:
It’s easy to feel as though you are the only one experiencing great pain during the holiday season. Everywhere you turn, people seem to be happy, putting up decorations, buying gifts and making holiday plans. It’s important to recognize the truth right now, and that is that you are not alone. There are people all over the world who have experienced loss, some perhaps very recently.
No one expects you to feel joyful and in the holiday mood right now, so don’t feel as though you must pretend for others’ sake. It is very important that you honor whatever emotions you may be experiencing, whether it’s sadness, anger, regret or a combination.
The holidays are usually a busy time for people. There is much to accomplish and many events to host and/or attend. You do not have to keep your normal schedule this year. You simply will not have the mental or emotional stamina for it. So take the time you need. If you don’t feel like attending many (or any) events this year, that is fine. People will understand.
One of the worst parts about losing a loved one is the feeling that we no longer have any control over our lives. Loss makes us feel helpless. One way to fight this feeling is to help others who are in need. As a bonus, connecting with others who are hurting can often be a salve on our hearts as well.
If you have children, it’s important to understand that they are looking to you right now to know what life will be like from now on. To a child, the loss of a parent or sibling can frighten them terribly. Though you may not at all feel like celebrating the holidays, doing so helps your child know that life does go on and that there is space in your life to feel joy along with sadness.
If you have experienced loss and would like to explore grief counseling, please be in touch. You don’t have to suffer alone.
One of the most devastating experiences we must endure in life is grieving the loss of a loved one. Although we have the knowledge that everyone will eventually die, and we logically understand the finality of death, no amount of information can prepare us for the devastation of the actual experience. Losing someone we love […]
One of the most devastating experiences we must endure in life is grieving the loss of a loved one. Although we have the knowledge that everyone will eventually die, and we logically understand the finality of death, no amount of information can prepare us for the devastation of the actual experience. Losing someone we love for the first time can be overwhelming. Trying to comprehend the finality of this separation is a shock to our system. We can feel angry, anxious, or depressed.
Experiencing grief differs for each person. How we endure, experience, and eventually thrive is unique to each individual. Although Elisabeth Kübler-Ross’ five stages of grief (denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance) are very well known, they are still imperfect: not everyone will experience those exact emotions. There is no road map and no timeline when it comes to grief. When you start to feel better is largely up to you.
One of the most important things to recognize when it comes to grief is that the length of time you spend in mourning, or the depths of the sadness you feel, are not a measure of how much you treasured the loved one you lost. At the same time, it’s unhealthy to try and “skip over” the period of mourning by burying yourself in work or play. The only way to the destination at the end is to walk the road and to do that you must let the feelings come up: cry when you need to cry, and laugh when you need to laugh. If the sorrow you’re experiencing is overwhelming, here are some activities to try and alleviate it.
Schedule time to cry. If you find yourself spending too much time crying and upset, schedule a time to feel sad. Give yourself one hour when you can cry as much as you like. But when the hour is up, wash your face and do something nice for yourself.
Do something in honor of your loved one. This can be making a donation in their name, volunteering, planting a tree, or baking their favorite cake.
Write. Write your loved one a letter or journal your feelings.
Meditate. Find a quiet place to meditate or pray. Visit your place of worship or read religious books you find comforting.
Exercise. Go for a walk, go to the gym, or take a yoga class. Try something new, or do something familiar – whichever feels better to you.
Although someone you loved has died, who they were has left a permanent mark on you: you are forever changed because of them. Honor their memory by honoring their life, and honor their life by making the best out of yours.
If you are struggling with grief and need help moving forward, contact my office today and let’s set up a time to talk.
You’re getting sleepy… very sleepy… …and when you wake up you will cluck like a chicken. This is what many people think of when they think of hypnosis. But hypnosis is much more than a funny party trick. Hypnotherapy has been used for centuries. In fact, in ancient times priests and shamans used altered stated […]
You’re getting sleepy… very sleepy…
…and when you wake up you will cluck like a chicken.
This is what many people think of when they think of hypnosis. But hypnosis is much more than a funny party trick.
Hypnotherapy has been used for centuries. In fact, in ancient times priests and shamans used altered stated of consciousness as a way to bring about healing. Today, therapists use guided hypnosis, or a trance-like state, to help their clients make changes or regain control in certain areas of their life.
How Hypnosis Works
Hypnotherapy is used to treat everything from substance abuse, phobias, anxiety disorders and sexual dysfunction. It is also used for pain management.
The therapist first guides their client into a calm and relaxed state. The client is awake the entire time, simply very relaxed. This relaxed state allows the client to access and “speak” directly with their subconscious mind, the part of the mind that controls most of our habits and behavior.
When a relaxed state is reached, the therapist will assist the client in thinking about experiences and situations in positive ways. This is essentially feeding the subconscious new information that will help the client begin to experience new patterns of thought and behavior.
Finding the Right Therapist
Not all therapists are qualified to use hypnosis as an adjunct therapy. If you believe hypnosis could help you with a particular problem or issue you are having, look for a hypnotherapist who’s a member of the American Society of Clinical Hypnosis (ASCH) or the Society for Clinical and Experimental Hypnosis.
Beyond qualifications, it’s also very important to find a hypnotherapist with whom you feel comfortable with. It’s a good idea to speak with each therapist on the phone before committing to a session. This will help you get a sense of their personality and whether they might be a good fit.
Final Thoughts
Hypnosis can work for just about anyone, as long as they are open to the idea and have chosen a therapist they trust. Roughly 70% of the population is open to suggestion and can benefit from hypnosis. Young children are particularly good candidates.
If you or someone you know has tried other forms of therapy without success and are interested in hypnosis, please get in touch with me. I would be more than happy to discuss how I may be able to help you.
Few things are more sad or difficult than finding out that a loved one has suffered a personal loss. Many times we fail to reach out to a loved one in grief out of shyness or uncertainty. We worry that we don’t have the words, or know what we can do to help or console […]
Few things are more sad or difficult than finding out that a loved one has suffered a personal loss. Many times we fail to reach out to a loved one in grief out of shyness or uncertainty. We worry that we don’t have the words, or know what we can do to help or console our friend.
Many times, it’s easier to offer a virtual hug or send a text instead of picking up the phone or talking face-to-face. Of course, the most difficult things for us to do are what can be the most helpful to a person in mourning.
Listen
When someone is grieving, they tend to hear clichés such as: “They’re in a better place”, “at least they’re not suffering” and “it was his time”. Instead of a cliché, offer an ear. Ask them about their loved one by name (“Tell me about Jim”) and encourage them to talk about their memories.
Share Memories
If you knew the deceased, you can offer a great deal of condolence by sharing positive memories that perhaps your loved one was unaware of.
Give a Gift or Memento
Simple gestures such as a card, a plant or other small gift can bring comfort to your friend or relative in their time of grief. It also can be easier to approach them if you have a small card or gift in tow. If your loved one is a person of faith, then be sure to get an appropriately themed card or book to encourage them to lean on their faith.
Offer Help and Hope
Instead of saying “let me know how I can help”, offer specific help such as bringing a meal on a particular day, running an errand for them or helping with child care or housework. You can also ask, “What can I do to help?”
Offer hope by believing in their ability to move forward. You can also offer to take your loved one to a grief support group at their church or a local Meetup group. It can help the bereaved to talk or listen to others going through the same thing.
Check in with them later
With our own busy lives, it can be difficult to remember to follow up, so set a reminder on your phone or calendar to check up on your friend down the road. Give them a call or drop by to visit them and see how they’re doing.
With a little love and support, you can help your loved one see that there are brighter days ahead.
If you or a loved one could use professional help through the grieving process, please contact me today.
When a serious illness strikes a family, everyone’s life is thrown into turmoil. Whether the illness is chronic or acute, no one can really prepare you for the responsibility of caregiving and the emotions that go with it. Unfortunately, as we throw ourselves into overdrive, doing everything we can to deliver the best care to […]
When a serious illness strikes a family, everyone’s life is thrown into turmoil. Whether the illness is chronic or acute, no one can really prepare you for the responsibility of caregiving and the emotions that go with it.
Unfortunately, as we throw ourselves into overdrive, doing everything we can to deliver the best care to our loved one, we typically put our own self-care on the backburner, which ultimately leads to caregiver burnout.
If you’re feeling worn out, here are some ways you can care for yourself while caring for your loved one:
Give Yourself Space
You’re no doubt overwhelmed and inundated with activities that surround your loved one’s care. It’s important that you take time to get away for some quiet reflection. Take a walk in nature or a long drive to clear your head and catch your breath.
Eat Right
If there were any time in your life you craved comfort foods, now would be it! But loading up on carbs and sugar is not what your body needs. Do your best to forego donuts and pasta and instead opt for fruits and vegetables.
Connect with Others
It’s easy to become isolated during this time. You’re tired and emotional, and besides the goings-on at various doctors’ appointments, you may feel you have little to offer in the way of sterling conversation.
It’s important that you remain socially active and connect with others. This could mean finding a local support group, or grabbing a latte with friends every Thursday morning. You need to remember who you are as a person, not just a caregiver, and social interactions will help you feel human.
Get Help
Many family caregivers feel it’s their entire responsibility to provide care for their loved one. But you don’t have to do everything by yourself. Reach out to other family members and friends for help. Look into getting a home health aid who can step in for you so you can have a couple hours off each week.
You may also want to consider seeking the guidance of a family therapist who can help you navigate your emotions and offer tools to help you cope with your new day-to-day reality.
If you’d like to explore therapy options, please get in touch with me. I’d love to discuss how I might be able to help you and your family during this difficult time.
